Been a while since I've posted. A lot of things happened in my life too.. lets see if I can make a summary of two months worth of events just for the journal's purpose.. anyhow, I feel super hyperactive today. Aside from being with my boyfriend for the most part of the day, I was able to speak with long lost friends and exchanged words with them. For some reason I also feel so enlightened today. My bf and some friends were able to convince me to head to the gym and make this 100% commitment for real this time. I hope I keep it up. I just want to lose weight already cuz I've been feeling the pressure since my bf is losing weight and lifting like a crazy person. Also, swimsuit season is coming close and I dont wanna look like a huge whale on the beach like the past 2 years weve been going to the beach. I've been self conscious and I've been complaining alot cuz my clothes dont fit and they dont look right on me. this should be a good step for me. oh yes, I need to force myself to study for the CPA this time! I really need a daily routine where I can pull myself out of the realworld for a while.. just workout and study and spend time with my boyfriend. im trying soo hard to eat healthy and bit by bit i'm getting used to it. i just need to resist the temptation to go out and splurge with fastfood and resto meals all the time.

on the updates.. bday came up yay! whoa can't believe I didnt blog about that. the day was special.. i was with my boyfriend that day then with my family the weekend. didn't feel much of a celebration cuz it really wasn't just stayed at home and had food. no visitors whatsoever. i just felt more mature that instant? or have i? haha well off with the bad news, 2 days later aftr my birthday i hit cammy on the curb while i was backing up from our driveway. yea huge scratch and half of the bumper was dangling off the car. it sucks.. i still can't believe it up to this day.. i didnt know what i was doing and what i was thinking when that happend. arrrggghhh.. still not fixed until now.. that weekend, we had a party at Joanne's place to celebrate my bday and her graduation. we had fun but for some reason again I'm not on my full outgoing personality. i had this tiny bit of feeling inside me that wants to go home already. maybe i'm scared to open up? maybe im tired? oh who knows. but yea i enjoyed the food that day bubba burgers, diff kinds of spaghetti, hotdogs, chicken ranch.. oh they're all soo good! overall i enjoyed this day and enjoyed it with my friends.. oh sacha and junjun were there too.

june events.. to be cont.

Happy April Fools ~ I got my work permit that day! LOL I was in Spanish class and I thought my dad was giving me an ebil joke when he texted me that my work permit is there! Well knowing him, yea he doesn't play around like that! My april fools has certainly become lucky cuz I finally got my work permit and I'll be able to work already! Next day, I was too excited to go to DMV and got my license renewed and upgraded! 2 birds with one stone ~ awesome! I couldn't express the happines I felt and I couldn't even contain it! I felt like I was about to explode but yea I was able to manage. I am soo grateful for things.. I guess everything DOES happen for a reason. It took me about 8 months to realize that my downtime was somewhat a blessing in disguise. Gave me 8 more months of vacation, and time to finish my accounting review. My biggest mistake was not take advantage of that free time to do more things. Anyhoo, no more time for regrets I should be happy bout this and hopefully I'd be able to start soon.

Whenever I think of all the good things bout me, I feel sad at the same time. Mixed emotions really cuz I still don't know whats gonna happen to my bf's future. I want him to work and I'm sure he wants to start his career as soon as possible too. I hope this doesnt become a hindrance to our plans in the future, I think it already is but I'm still hoping that this will be resolved soon. If he has to go to Canada.. then sigh I guess I have to accept it and we'll make our relationship work whatever happens.

Enough of the drama, beyond that I've been driving around on my car.. Soo glad I could drive already and go anywhere I desire. On the bad side, I still don't have funds to buy everything I want. Oh well smart spending still. Alot of cool and new things to check out and that includes the lifetime fitness center that has all the amenities and facilities. Its amazing, it makes me wanna work out! It has a rock climbing area, spa, outdoor/indoor pool, cardio, free weights and alot more! Hopefully one of these days I can check it out wit my dear.

Oh yea I can eat chocolate again! Lent is finally over and we celebrated Easter today. We went to our relative's place and gosh it was a looooooong and boring party for me. I still have been antisocial.. just focused on my cellphone rather than talk to people and get to know them. Sigh.. I guess this new me has come about cuz of the different factors and diffferent things happening in my life. I don't wanna stay this way, I miss my old cheery and friendly self. I don't know when I'll gain it back but definitely when things get better.. But will things really get better for me and my boyfriend? Only time will tell

Busy Busy Busy! Finally I'm doing something. Hmm I complain when I'm not doing anything but I also complain when I have alot of things to do. Oh gosh why can't I be happy and satisfied with stuff. lol Anyhow, I say I'm busy because I have my Becker reviews every Saturday ~ the whole day! 8.30 - 5.30 pm but they usually let us out earlier than stated. That'll last til around first week of May. I guess thats a heads up that I shouldn't just be foolin around when there's really alot of things I should've been doing. The review is crazy cuz  the material is very intense and you're gonna be there the whole day. Arrggh.. I just look forward to the pinkberry, korean food and chicken over rice I could eat afterwards hahaha

Diet plans.. dun dun dun. I don't think its working for me. Oh wait! I take that back! The wii fit says I lost 3 pounds since my last weigh in and that was about 6 months ago! lmao I realized last night, I should stop watching foodnetwork and watch fitness channel or any of those exercise stuff. It definitely adds motivation and it gives me alot of ideas as of what to eat and what to do and all that stuff. Speaking of tv, I wanna see the new spongebob episodes! Childish mush? haha I'm just trying to be diverse you know! :p

Mixed emotions again this week as always. Been in a great mood then in a snap I'm gonna be the opposite. Right now honestly, I don't have that much to say. Nothing new really. I wish I could talk to my boyfriend and just snuggle with him. Siigh. I'm gonna surprise him at work tomorrow! That means wake up early workout.. (try to do both cardio and lifting) plurk more and oh yea memorize my monologue. Then leave the house around 3ish? Definitely before 4.

Well going back to relationships talk.. I've seen this post on yahoo, says posted by Rich. He listed some of the reason why people cheat. They gave a list and I'm gonna breeze through them real quick here.

Here are some situations that make people cheat:

1. Bored
The most common reason that people cheat.

2. Dependence
At first glance, cheating seems like independent behavior. It could be interpreted as doing what you want, when you want. But I would argue that cheating is a dependent behavior. A cheater is dependent because they are not strong enough to break up with their significant other in order to get with the new person.

3. Confusion
Sometimes life or a particular situation can get to you.

4. Because They Let You
If any girl ever cheated on me, I'd break up with her immediately. That person who cheated may lose respect for you and might continue to cheat-because they know they can get away with it, because you'll continue to take them back.

5. Nurturing
If someone is mistreating you, then your first instinct is to get away from him or her. If you feel trapped in a bad relationship, it's only natural that you will run to the open arms of a person who treats you well.

6. Revenge
This is quite simple- an eye for an eye. Cheat on them if they cheat on you.

7. Confirmation of Attractiveness
Sometimes when you're in a long relationship, or if your significant other is taking you for granted, you begin to wonder if you're still attractive. Perhaps, because you were out on the dating circuit, you felt more attractive when you were single. If you have an affair, you've proven that a new person can be attracted to you.

8. The Thrill
Some people just enjoy the thrill of cheating: running around secretly, risking getting caught, and creating thrilling moments with a forbidden romance.

9. They Don't Consider It Cheating, Even Though You Might
Relationships have that grey area, usually right before you become exclusive. He thinks date #4 is when you're "together," and you think date #2 is when you're "together." If you haven't talked about exclusivity, someone may think they are well within their rights to see other people, even though the other person in the relationship may not.

Ouch!! #7 really hit me hard. Not related to cheating or anything but lately I've been really insecure bout things. I mean my bf has been working real hard and he wants to get buff and all that. And I feel like I'm just the sloppy ugly fat girlfriend. I feel soo pressured and obligated that I need to change the way I look to keep my boyfriend attracted to me physically. I wanna be healthy and I want to be happy with my weight but its just soo hard and it is definitely a pain in the ass to workout and eat healthy. I'm still trying and I'm still not giving up on that. Of course I want my man to be pround of me and that he'll proudly say "damn thats my girl" u knw.. siiiiighh.. the pressure is on!!!

I haven't posted and updated this blog for a while. I've been online a lot but I always forget to blog down all my ideas and feelings. I just fall asleep on them hoping it will be better the next day. Anyhow, alot of things have happened throughout the past month or so. I've started school again, although I didn't really wanna go in the first place. I'm making the best out of it though, learning as much as I can and trying to be a better version of myself. Something that I wish I could've done when I was really back in school. Study much and participate! lol Lets see this sem, I just took random classes ~ spanish, acting, speech, college algebra, and super duper crazy hard n boring art history. All of them are out of my specialty (oh except the math one) so this should be interesting for me. My favorite so far is acting and speech cuz its helping me just to be more out there and not just sulk in one corner. hehe

Other than that, my everyday has been faced with ups and downs. Maybe bored one day, emotional and gloomy the next and happy and cheerful during most days. Or at least trying to be. PLURK has been helping me out alot though. Its a social mini blog of some sort and thats where I get to chat and mingle with my highschool friends. Thank god for plurk or else I wouldn't be able to stay in touch with them as often as I want. Aside from that, I've been going out with friends alot more again. I need to digress and not think about problems or else I'd really go insane. At this very moment, I just finished crying and I'm still tearing up cuz of everything that has been happening in my life. I really don't know what's in store for me right now. Most of them are saying, I'm still young and that I still have alot of stuff that I could do and achieve in life. Who knows right? 

I don't wanna fight against it. I guess its not meant for me if it really doesn't work out. Yea I'll feel sad and depressed but I know there's more to life than working in your ideal company as a newly grad.

When God closes a door, Somewhere he opens a window

I wonder where this window is.. I wanna look for it already and see what's in store for me hehe I'm thinking.. my other options.. work in another country.. I really don't want to cuz I grew at home here already and I am comfortable and happy with my friends. I won't wanna leave them again and start over. Everything has its own pros and cons. It's just about chosing which right paths to go to.

I was doing okay and then my dad reminded me again about the situation. I really couldn't escape this can I? I would've wanted to go to NY today cuz my dad and siblings are going just idk for a stroll I guess? But I feel cold, I don't want to get changed, I am sick and most of all I don't have money to spend anymore. Of  course if I'm there I couldn't stop myself from buying my fave pinkberry or other cute stuff that I see. Oh Jamba Juice.. I want that too.. darn it.. I just want to sulk in bed, sleep and when I wake up everythings ok. Not like forget about it but hopefully everything will be okay ~ fixed and that I can resume work. It has been a while already. Aug 6 was supposed to be my start date.. DAMN its been 5 months.. and then.. its been about 3 months that I haven't driven.. maybe I even forgot how to drive! Oh shit that sucks. .lol I drove for like 2 blocks last week just to drop my dad off of work cuz it was really freezing and god there was a cop in front of me. I was scared and it feels soo weird and it seems like I'm driving someone else's car. Thats how it feels when you havent taken a drive on ur own car for the longest. Boo. Grr.. there's alot in my mind right now that I really can't comprehend and express here... I'll just go to bed! niite!

I'm really proud of myself and how I'm slowly sticking to my workout everyday. At least 45mins everyday either cardio or weights. I think I need  a bit more discipline for my eating habits, I'll miss all the food but hey I can still eat them, just small portions. :D I have to keep this up if I really want to lose weight and be back to my 110 or at least 120lbs weight. I feel bleh before the workout but I feel totally refreshed and rejuvenated after the work out. Yep its worth it and I'm just thinking of all the calories that I'm losing. I'll make that as my motivation.

On other note, I really wanna go out with my boyfriend.. have a date or a stroll at the park (no strolling.. its cold) but yea its really freezing outside some other places it like negative degrees already and that's insane! Oh well another day sleeping and laying in bed and just chilling hehehe

I miss my girls! Vannie & Romi.. I haven't seen them in the longest! I miss our ebil chats about people. I wish they're doing okay.
I wish Jess and Nikki and Becky would be their old selves too lol just us girls.. chillin! lol

If only we  could do that and all the troubles in the world would be eliminated. I really feel bad for my friend. Bf and her had a fight and kinda went on a time off and then the guys coworker flirted wit him and then they ended up sleeping together. My friend didn't know anything about it and when she knew, of course she was devastated. She still took back the guy cuz of course she loved him so much. (We can't do anything about that siigh regardless of all our advices to her). Anyhow, the guy promised to stop talking to the hoe and asked my friend for another chance ~ yea he even moved to idk where he is Dubai I think so he could be close to her when my friend moves there in a few months for work. Now despite all the efforts of my friend to keep him away or rather keep them away from each other, the hoe still couldn't stay away from him! She stalked him, kept on emailing him still and "wanted to remain friends" with my friends boyfriend. And duh of course this effin guy still entertains her! That bastard! 

Oh what do we do. It hurts me to see my friend get depressed over some retarded two timing liar. We've been trying to help her out and tell her she should really end it. Or talk to the guy and threaten him or to pick who and which is really important in his life. Seems like this guy still has his charm cuz he continues to woo my friend and still tell her all the lies and shit. Oh I don't know what to do. Like I said, if only we could kill that someone hahaha

hmm wow i feel relieved and rejuvenated today for some reason. I decided to do something productive ~ well sleep a bit early last night, woke up pretty early today, ate breakfast, worked out and oh yea still need to take a shower. I feel more alive but then now I feel sleepy darn it. haha Oh well might as well take a nap later on :D

Oh my! It's January 8 already!? And all I did was lay in bed, sleep, play games, and go online chat and forums. WOW!!! Very productive!! (Ok I'm being sarcastic) But seriously this sucks. I have like a load of debt and I still haven't started working. How am I supposed to pay it!? Damn it. I am stressed and tensed enough. I am soo thinking of everything right now that literally my head would just explode upon thinking of all these things. I don't know what to do anymore!!! F**K!!!! If its bad I guess I have no choice but to go to Canada or Australia or wherever with my boyfriend. I really want to work for EY soo bad ~ I love the firm; I love everything about it! But with these unexpected circumstances, I don't know if I'll still be able to keep my dream job. Should I be honest with them and tell them whats really happening that I have a time limit and all that?!? 

I wish I could forget about everything again... Be with my hubbiee and just enjoy things.